Author: cethomsen

Date Night Planning Tips

Published on by cethomsenLeave a comment

Date nights are an important part of improving relationships. But having an fun and effective date involves planning ahead and scheduling to be most successful.

What is dating? I feel that there are three types of dating… 1) Dating as a teen: when you are dating for fun, to get to know someone better, to learn social skills, and to create friendships with lots of people. 2) Dating more seriously and ultimately to find a spouse. This is usually after high school when you are older and more mature. Relationships last a longer as you explore qualities you are looking for in a spouse. 3) And finally, dating after marriage to build, deepen, and strengthen that relationship.

Dating helps you learn more about yourself and helps you have better relationships. I believe that one very important part of dating is abstinence before marriage and total fidelity to your spouse after marriage. This post will reflect that.

Dating as a teen.

Teenage years can be rough but dating can be a fun way to interact with more people, make new friends, find friends with similar interests, and get to know yourself better. This dating is best done in groups. Dating at this age can be a lot of fun if planned out in advance.

We have a few rules at this age.

  • Don’t date until you are 16.
  • No single dates unless it is in a public place.
  • Don’t stay home alone together.
  • Dates should end earlier, unless there is an event that causes you to stay late (like a concert or dance).
  • Have a backup plan. So many things could go wrong…bad weather, the event is sold out, or there is too long of a wait. (Bring a board game or frisbee to pass the time.)
  • Try to go out with a variety of people. It may surprise you who you actually connect with.
  • Be a gentleman. Yes. Boys this is a fading art. Let the girl go first. Offer to pay. Get the doors for her. Ask her opinion. Don’t leave her house until she is inside safely. etc.
  • Use good manners. Say please and thank you, use a napkin, be polite, no inappropriate talk, no talk of bodily functions-burping or farting, etc. Eat slowly.
  • Try to get to know your date better with communication. Ask questions that don’t have yes/no answers. Try to find common interests.
  • Don’t use your cell phone while on your date, unless it is part of an activity. (This makes me so sad when we go out and I see people glued to their phone and not their dates).

Here is a How to plan a date printable.

Dating more seriously and looking for a spouse.

As you get older and more mature, you are ready to start dating more seriously and eventually marry. Now you are looking for someone compatible with you. Try to do a variety of activities together to see how they will react in different situations. This will help really get to know them better. Do they play well with kids? Do they get angry in traffic? How do they treat their family? Can they handle your family? I had 13 siblings-that was a real test! Do they have achievable goals? Do they help clean up? What religion are they and do they believe? How are they with finances? Do they have similar interests as you do? Does it matter? How well do you communicate? Can they express their emotions? Are they easy to talk to? Do they treat you well. There are so many things to discover as you date. So much to observe! Are you having fun as you get to know each other? Do they make you a better person or are you more agitated around them or afterwards. Part of the challenge is seeing how you connect together. Try to really discuss what is most important to you!

I learned a lot at this stage about what I didn’t want in a boyfriend and potential spouse. I like to say that this stage of dating is 100% selfish. If you don’t like the guy or you don’t connect-you don’t have to go out with them again. I remember breaking up with guys because they liked the rival college and we fought about it a lot! Or because they were lazy. Or because we just didn’t click. Be honest with yourself and them!

What qualities do you want in a spouse? Being a hard worker was important to me. I wanted to have a family so if they didn’t like kids, that was a strike against them. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel right and after a few dates, I broke it off. Really, as soon as you know it won’t work out, stop it. Be kind and don’t lead them on. It may seem hard now, but you will be grateful later!

Dating your spouse.

One very important part of being married is having a great relationship with your spouse. This helps you be united, enhances good feelings in the home as well, and shows your kids why a great relationship is important.

Be careful of having “a too busy life”! It can distract us from those relationships that matter most! You may not realize it but ultimately, what you find most important makes it to the top of your “to-do” list and gets done. Does your spouse make it to the top of your priorities? With careers and family life, it takes effort and planning to be successful! Here are some things that have helped us in our marriage.

Communication. Have a regularly scheduled time to talk. We call this a couple inventory. We like to do this on Sunday nights after the kids go to bed. Spend some one on one time discussing life, kids, struggles, finances, goals, etc. It is important to be on the same page with your spouse. Being able to share difficulties, challenges, and joys helps bring you closer. We also like to reminisce about the early carefree days in our relationship. Remembering the fun times will help you get through the challenges.

Find activities that help you connect. Take a personality quiz or figure out each other’s love languages. You and your spouse are different…Surprise! You have different needs and may even express love in different ways. This can present a challenge in a relationship. Look for activities that will help you connect better. Neighborhood walks are one of our favorite things to do together. It really helps us communicate and think things through.

Go on a weekly date together. We love this tradition. But managing a busy family takes a lot of planning and arranging. Sometimes our date is breakfast in between running errands. Sometimes it is a walk together. It’s fun to invite a neighbor couple or long lost friend to join us for dinner or a fun activity. Taking time in your couple inventory to discuss what dates you want to go on will help get these going.

Intimacy is a very important part of married life. Make sure to include this quality time together! I heard once that before marriage the devil works hard to get you to sleep together and after marriage he tries to get you to not sleep together. Don’t let him into your marriage. Make intimate time together a priority and it will make such difference in your marriage relationship.

Special Occasion Dates. On our anniversary, Valentine’s, birthdays, etc. we like to go to an expensive restaurant that we normally wouldn’t go to. Sometimes we will go to a bed and breakfast or a cabin to get away. If funds are tight we can get creative or send the kids to Grandma’s for an overnighter. Those are some of my favorite dates and they really help us remember why we got married in the first place.

Here is my free dating ideas list printable. Get creative and enjoy the dates you go on no matter the age. Happy dating!

Thrift Store Shopping Tips

Published on by cethomsenLeave a comment

Have you noticed how the prices of everything seem to keep going up? Everyday items cost so much more! Sometimes I struggle to find enough money for all of the things… Do you ever feel that way? My kids are growing up and their needs are changing. One thing that has been a mega-money saver for me is second hand shopping. I have found many amazing things at thrift stores. If you are willing to get your hands dirty, you can find incredible items!

Here are some of my top thrifting tips!

  • Warning: You may get dirty! Some thrift stores can feel dirty or dusty. Sometimes the hangers leave marks on my hands. Keep Sanitizer nearby for when you need it, and always wash your hands afterwards!
  • Try things on whenever possible. Some of the thrift stores still don’t have dressing rooms open. If there are not dressing rooms, you can slip shirts and jackets over your top, the other items I try to hold up and guess.
  • Check the return policy before buying something you are unsure of. Some stores only allow a week to return or only offer in-store credit.
  • Plan to spend more time than usual. It takes time to look for the awesome items, but it is worth it to find that sometimes hidden item. I could spend 2-3 hours in one thrift store!
  • Take a friend. I used to meet a friend every month at a different thrift store. It was such a great day to look forward to: spending time together and finding great deals. It is fun to compare who did the best-whether it was spending the least amount or buying the most or finding the best items. Either way it is a great outing together. Take a friend who can be honest with you so you can get a second opinion on items you are unsure of.
  • Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find a lot on your first visit. I have gone sometimes and found very little and other trips left with huge bags full. And there is a learning curve to thrifting. Try it a few times and at different stores.
  • Make a list of things you need before you go. This helps me know where to focus my attention. Thrift stores can be overwhelming so having a list is a great way to stay focused and find exactly what you need. It usually takes me 2-3 trips before I find a specific item so keeping an active shopping list on your phone is a great idea. It’s helpful also to be able to continue adding items to it. Like when my son says he needs some more shorts, I can add them to my list.
  • Find a picture of an outfit you like and try to find something similar at the thrift store. This is a fun challenge to search for cute outfits to add to your wardrobe. Or if you have a skirt that you don’t know what to put with it, Pinterest is a fun place to search for outfit ideas. For instance, I had a black lace skirt. So I searched “Black lace skirt outfit” and it brought up lots of options and I found a shirt in a similar color to an outfit I liked.
  • Are you in a new town for business or vacation? Look for a thrift store to visit. On vacation, my family loves to try out the thrift stores in the area. We have found some really fun things.
  • Make sure to look over every item really well before purchasing. Look for uneven wear, fading, holes, stains, chips, marks, thinning of fabric, etc. I’ve gotten very good at spotting stains!
  • Buy off season items…sweaters and coats in the Summer and shorts and swimsuits in the winter. There is a better selection during off seasons.
  • Shop on SALE DAYS! Most thrift stores have loyalty rewards for customers. Sign up for their emails. Savers has a colored tag that is 50% off each week and they have a points system so you can earn discount coupons. Goodwill has been having 50% off days for…women’s, kid’s, housewares, or men’s clothes each month. I love to go on sale days because it makes everything so cheap! Try to go early on sale days as it gets busy and picked over. Some thrift stores give a discount if you follow them on social media. Check with each store to find what specials they offer.
  • Some thrift stores (like Savers and Goodwill) will give you % off coupons for donating items. So get rid of things before you go. If you donate items you can get a tax donation as well! Bonus!
  • Check games/puzzles for all the pieces. We have actually opened them and counted cards or game pieces. It’s a great job for an elementary age kid that is bored. Puzzles are more of a risk but a great deal. Don’t get them if the box is not intact or if you can see an opening where pieces might have fallen out. I like if they are bagged inside. You won’t hear any rattling inside when you shake them. Most of the time, our puzzles aren’t missing pieces or only one piece, so we have been lucky.
  • DIY-There are so many fun things you can do with thrift items. I love to pin projects and then look for items that I could use to make it. Look at the thrift items in a new light. Could you alter them to make them better and looking new. I love spray painting end tables, frames, lamps, and other decor to match my home. Sometimes a simple screw or adjustment and it is as good as new.
  • I also like to alter clothes to fit better. It is so hard to find longer shorts or elbow length sleeves, so I will just buy pants and long sleeve shirts and hem to my desired length. I have altered tops with big bulky sleeves, just sewing them down the inside sleeve to make them fit better. I have cut off big bows, taken in sides of dresses and shirts, made bell bottoms skinnier, and necklines more open. If you learn how to sew a basic straight stitch, there is a lot that you can do. The distressed frayed hem is popular right now, and that is very easy to do. Simply cut jeans at the desired length and wash. Then remove excess strings. Voila. No sewing required. So easy. Most of my shorts now have this hem because it is so easy!
  • Try out all of the thrift stores in your town. Each one is unique and might have better options for clothes, furniture, or books. As you visit them all you will start to see which ones are best for quality items, cleanliness, and prices. I have found certain thrift stores are better for furniture, or others for clothing. Even the same company has different favorites at each location.
  • Is there a birthday or holiday coming? Look for little gifts and stocking stuffers. You’ll be surprised what you can find. I have found lots of activity books, crafts, games, and clothes brand new or in very good condition.
  • As your kids get older, I’d recommend that you take them with you and have them try the clothes on, especially if they are picky! My kids have learned how to be great shoppers. They love it when we invite cousins to meet us and shop together. They find some very interesting things together and often things I missed!
  • Most of the items are not new and will need to be cleaned before use. But don’t worry, most items can be cleaned, sanitized, or washed. Launder every item of fabric before use. I have some disinfectant spray that I spray into shoes. Sweater shavers work great if there is any piling on tops or sweaters. We wash smaller toys in the sink with dish soap and wipe larger ones down with an Envirocloth. We spray or wipe everything down. One time we bought some Legos and let them soak in the sink before rinsing. They came out good as new.
  • Call ahead for donation hours. I try to go when they first open since I have been turned down when they were too full. Don’t forget your receipt for taxes.
  • I’ve also discovered an online option for thrifting, threadUP. It is a great option if you are true to size or are looking for a certain designer or clothing company. I had a pair of pants that I loved (from a thrift store) and was able to search for that brand and size and found some similar pants.

If you haven’t ever been to a thrift store, now is the time to try it out. Find one near you. I think you will be surprised what you can find. There is something for everyone! I have enjoyed thrifting for years and have saved so much money as well. Let me know how it goes!

Here are a few other helpful sites to check out.

  • The Clutterbug has a fun video about thrifting. If you are new to this, it is definitely worth checking out. Click HERE to watch.
  • If you are in Utah, Linda Hilton has compiled a wonderful list of what to donate and where. Click HERE for her list.

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