Date nights are an important part of improving relationships. But having an fun and effective date involves planning ahead and scheduling to be most successful.

What is dating? I feel that there are three types of dating… 1) Dating as a teen: when you are dating for fun, to get to know someone better, to learn social skills, and to create friendships with lots of people. 2) Dating more seriously and ultimately to find a spouse. This is usually after high school when you are older and more mature. Relationships last a longer as you explore qualities you are looking for in a spouse. 3) And finally, dating after marriage to build, deepen, and strengthen that relationship.

Dating helps you learn more about yourself and helps you have better relationships. I believe that one very important part of dating is abstinence before marriage and total fidelity to your spouse after marriage. This post will reflect that.

Dating as a teen.

Teenage years can be rough but dating can be a fun way to interact with more people, make new friends, find friends with similar interests, and get to know yourself better. This dating is best done in groups. Dating at this age can be a lot of fun if planned out in advance.

We have a few rules at this age.

• Don’t date until you are 16.
• No single dates unless it is in a public place.
• Don’t stay home alone together.
• Dates should end earlier, unless there is an event that causes you to stay late (like a concert or dance).
• Have a backup plan. So many things could go wrong…bad weather, the event is sold out, or there is too long of a wait. (Bring a board game or frisbee to pass the time.)
• Try to go out with a variety of people. It may surprise you who you actually connect with.
• Be a gentleman. Yes. Boys this is a fading art. Let the girl go first. Offer to pay. Get the doors for her. Ask her opinion. Don’t leave her house until she is inside safely. etc.
• Use good manners. Say please and thank you, use a napkin, be polite, no inappropriate talk, no talk of bodily functions-burping or farting, etc. Eat slowly.
• Try to get to know your date better with communication. Ask questions that don’t have yes/no answers. Try to find common interests.
• Don’t use your cell phone while on your date, unless it is part of an activity. (This makes me so sad when we go out and I see people glued to their phone and not their dates).

Here is a How to plan a date printable.

Dating more seriously and looking for a spouse.

As you get older and more mature, you are ready to start dating more seriously and eventually marry. Now you are looking for someone compatible with you. Try to do a variety of activities together to see how they will react in different situations. This will help really get to know them better. Do they play well with kids? Do they get angry in traffic? How do they treat their family? Can they handle your family? I had 13 siblings-that was a real test! Do they have achievable goals? Do they help clean up? What religion are they and do they believe? How are they with finances? Do they have similar interests as you do? Does it matter? How well do you communicate? Can they express their emotions? Are they easy to talk to? Do they treat you well. There are so many things to discover as you date. So much to observe! Are you having fun as you get to know each other? Do they make you a better person or are you more agitated around them or afterwards. Part of the challenge is seeing how you connect together. Try to really discuss what is most important to you!

I learned a lot at this stage about what I didn’t want in a boyfriend and potential spouse. I like to say that this stage of dating is 100% selfish. If you don’t like the guy or you don’t connect-you don’t have to go out with them again. I remember breaking up with guys because they liked the rival college and we fought about it a lot! Or because they were lazy. Or because we just didn’t click. Be honest with yourself and them!

What qualities do you want in a spouse? Being a hard worker was important to me. I wanted to have a family so if they didn’t like kids, that was a strike against them. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel right and after a few dates, I broke it off. Really, as soon as you know it won’t work out, stop it. Be kind and don’t lead them on. It may seem hard now, but you will be grateful later!

Dating your spouse.

One very important part of being married is having a great relationship with your spouse. This helps you be united, enhances good feelings in the home as well, and shows your kids why a great relationship is important.

Be careful of having “a too busy life”! It can distract us from those relationships that matter most! You may not realize it but ultimately, what you find most important makes it to the top of your “to-do” list and gets done. Does your spouse make it to the top of your priorities? With careers and family life, it takes effort and planning to be successful! Here are some things that have helped us in our marriage.

Communication. Have a regularly scheduled time to talk. We call this a couple inventory. We like to do this on Sunday nights after the kids go to bed. Spend some one on one time discussing life, kids, struggles, finances, goals, etc. It is important to be on the same page with your spouse. Being able to share difficulties, challenges, and joys helps bring you closer. We also like to reminisce about the early carefree days in our relationship. Remembering the fun times will help you get through the challenges.

Find activities that help you connect. Take a personality quiz or figure out each other’s love languages. You and your spouse are different…Surprise! You have different needs and may even express love in different ways. This can present a challenge in a relationship. Look for activities that will help you connect better. Neighborhood walks are one of our favorite things to do together. It really helps us communicate and think things through.

Go on a weekly date together. We love this tradition. But managing a busy family takes a lot of planning and arranging. Sometimes our date is breakfast in between running errands. Sometimes it is a walk together. It’s fun to invite a neighbor couple or long lost friend to join us for dinner or a fun activity. Taking time in your couple inventory to discuss what dates you want to go on will help get these going.

Intimacy is a very important part of married life. Make sure to include this quality time together! I heard once that before marriage the devil works hard to get you to sleep together and after marriage he tries to get you to not sleep together. Don’t let him into your marriage. Make intimate time together a priority and it will make such difference in your marriage relationship.

Special Occasion Dates. On our anniversary, Valentine’s, birthdays, etc. we like to go to an expensive restaurant that we normally wouldn’t go to. Sometimes we will go to a bed and breakfast or a cabin to get away. If funds are tight we can get creative or send the kids to Grandma’s for an overnighter. Those are some of my favorite dates and they really help us remember why we got married in the first place.

Here is my free dating ideas list printable. Get creative and enjoy the dates you go on no matter the age. Happy dating!